Jake O'Donnell

Creator of the sports comedy Dick Buttkiss blog https://jakeodonnel.wordpress.com/
Jake O'Donnell has written 58 posts for Sports.com.com

The Internet Reacts As David Beckham Retires From Soccer Sex Tape Posh Spice Suicide Tears Nude Dick Pics North Korea Gay

After a storied 20-year career, with stops in Madrid, Manchester, Los Angeles, Milan, and Paris, David Beckham has decided to hang up his cleats once and for all. “Suicide Naked Photos of David Beckham Leaked,” the internet said. “Butt photos North Korean Peninsula missile test gay,” it added, as Beckham wiped away tears. Arriving at … Continue reading

Kickz Of The Week: Strength Shoes by HOOPSKILLS

Are your legs always fresh and ready to go? Do you have a son you hate the living fuck out of? Like to fall down? Finally, a shoe for you/Geoff! With Strength Shoes, those powerhouses you rely on to do basically everything on will turn to flaccid spaghetti in no time… Designed by the idiots … Continue reading

Alex Rodriguez Nabbed In Illegal Underground Penis Fighting Ring

New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez has been arrested in connection with an illegal underground penis fighting circuit, accused of abusing hundreds of penises. Located behind a derelict grocery store in Miami’s Carol City neighborhood, the ring, where two men smack their penises together in battle, was shutdown after federal agents stormed the location and … Continue reading

Small Market Teams Dominate As NBA Goes Straight Down The Fucking Tube

After losing Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York in the 2013 playoffs — the National Basketball Association has closed it doors citing lack of revenue. “It pains me to say this but professional basketball is broke,” commissioner David Stern sobbed at a press conference. The 2013 postseason now consists of Indiana, Memphis, Miami, San Antonio, … Continue reading

Roses Are Reds: The Poetry Of Pete Rose

A sonnet from Mr. 4,000… Continue reading

Dolphins Plan To Host 2016 Super Bowl In Parking Lot Of Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville Bar & Grille

After failing to receive public financing to remodel Sun Life Stadium, the Miami Dolphins have issued a statement to the NFL offering to host the 2016 Super Bowl in the parking lot of a Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville. “Imagine watching the biggest spectacle in television while wasting away with a cold one on the beach,” the … Continue reading

Charles Ramsey Finds Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jamario Moon, Daniel Gibson In Basement Of Quicken Loans Arena

Cleveland, OH – In a stunning turn of events, local hero Charles Ramsey has uncovered three players from the 2009-2010 season living in the basement of Quicken Loans Arena. “When he told me Zydrunas Ilgauskas, it didn’t register,” he told reporters outside his home. “Until I got to calling 911, and then I’m like, I’m … Continue reading

Future Archeologists Uncover Lost Civilization Of San Antonio

Texas, 2560 A.D. – Future archeologists have uncovered the previously unknown rich winning tradition of an ancient basketball civilization called “San Antonio Spurs.” “We had no idea they won this many times,” expedition leader Zander Argerroth told Dick Buttkiss Sports. “It would appear that no one recorded the bounty of NBA Championships achieved by this amazing franchise.” Continue reading

Dear God, what have you done: J.R. Smith’s Reckless Behavior Destroys Earth

“Dear god, what have I done? I was just having some fun, how did it get to this point?” a confused, soot covered J.R. Smith said into the void that used to be civilization. “Hello?!” he shouted into the air. “Please, someone! This can’t be happening!” Smith, whose recent erratic behavior cost the Knicks game … Continue reading

Jason Terry Caught Taxiing On Tarmac: “Vrooom vrooom Imma plane! Im free!”

If you were expecting your flight to be on time this morning, you probably didn’t expect a huge hold up because former NBA Sixth-Man-Of-The-Year, Jason Terry, was running around the tarmac making engine noises. “All inbound and outbound flights from LaGuardia International Airport have been grounded or rerouted,” an FAA statement read. “Please stay tuned … Continue reading