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Barry Melrose Gets Caught With Hand In Cookie Jar, If You Know What I Mean…

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ESPN NHL analyst and musk connoisseur Barry Melrose was caught the other day with his hand in the cookie jar, if you know what I mean…

The former Toronto Maple Leaf-turned-head-coach reportedly snuck away from the set for a few minutes, prompting producers to put out a code red on the ESPN Bristol campus. Blue means Peter Gammons is drunk, Red means Barry Melrose is missing, and green means there’s a ghost. With his ESPNEWS playoff segment soon approaching, staff, security, Sage Steele, and all the mascots who live at the facility, grabbed flashlights and formed a search party.

After a frantic 25 minute scramble for clues, like footprints, an intern tweeted this photo, ending the search and Melrose’s copy room priveldges. “I’ve never seen my own taint,” the goatee’d commentator told Dick Buttkiss Sports. “How is a man supposed to look his own son in the eye and tell him to stop trying to look at his own taint, when he’s never seen his…” he rambled on, incoherently, during the broadcast of his segement.

“I’ve finally got photographic proof there’s nothing there,” he said. “And now, I sleep.”

Melrose then curled up in his stool and pretended to die.

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About Jake O'Donnell

Creator of the sports comedy Dick Buttkiss blog https://jakeodonnel.wordpress.com/

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