The New York Knicks have all decided to wear wedding dresses before their big Game 6 showdown in Boston tonight. On Wednesday, The Knicks stirred Major controversy when they decided as a team to dress in “Funeral Black” as an homage to what they expected would be a Game 5 victory and death to the Celtics Season. The Knicks were unaware that this strategy could be misconstrued as inappropriate considering there was this little terrorist bombing that happened in Boston just the week before. They proceeded to lose the matchup citing terrible play, lack of good basketball skill and zero semblance of team work as the cause.
Seeing that professional basketball players are over grown children with terrific vertical leaps and millions of dollars who only understand English and the news in 140 character messages, nobody blames them for being completely clueless.
Says Coach Woodson “They’re like young nubile fawns, dainty and crying in the darkness, lost in the woods, having promiscuous sex and dunking basketballs”
To make amends and hopefully steer the team towards a Game 6 win, Carmelo Anthony stepped up to assume his role as team leader and took a page out of the book from his father, Dennis Rodman.
“I fee like, ya know, shit, like, ummm, like ya know, wedding dresses and shit, and stuff, what up, balllaaaaa, shit, like, um, ya know, like, uhhh, shit”
Translation: We will be wearing wedding dresses as team to the TD Bank Arena to show the Celtics our unity and that the only thing worse than death is Marriage. So they better be ready for a Cat Fight.
Tyson Chandler is said to be wearing a Vera Wang, While the rest of the starting four will all be in the Sears Catalogue maternity wedding dresses section. Mike Woodson will be escorting Carmelo down the hallway to the locker room in a lesbian Tuxedo worn by Chaz Bono at last years Chic-Fil-A bowl.
Thanks to Jeremy Lin forever raising ticket prices and expectations to unfathomable beliefs, the Knicks need to pull out any and all stops to fake America into thinking they are a real Basketball team. Will it be victory bells for the Knicks? Or will the Celtics keep improving and force this into an inevitable Gabe 7 in New York.
If it reaches a Game 7 the Knicks have already ordered replica swim suits from the 1980 Russian Female swim team to wear to the game.
Final Score – Bos: 106
NY: I Do