“I have never been the supersticious type or the kind of guy to throw a complete pass, ever,” Mr. Dilfer remarked. “But hey, if you think something works for ya go with it. Its like my Doctor says, just putting that bottle of Viagra in your back pocket usually does the trick, you dont even need to take one. I guess the same is for the Razor.”
On the eve before the most forgettable Superbowl in history, Dilfer stood stoic in his hotel bathroom, screaming at himself in the mirror, manscaping. When it came time to shave his balls, Mr. Dilfer realized he had no Razor. After a quick call to the front desk and two mini fridge trips, the Razor arrived. But it was not the one he was expecting.
“I was always a Schick Quatro guy. It had all of the power and performance I never knew as a QB. When the Mach 3 arrived I screamed at the bell hop who delivered it. I mean I really flipped out. They called the police and everything.”
After the incident was cleared up, Mr. Dilfer returned to the bathroom.
“I had no choice, the guy wanted to press charges. So I opened the Mach 3 and let it rip from sack to tip. It was clean, crisp, and gentle. I knew with such a powerful shave and such smooth balls that whatever team I played for, was it the ravens? Well whatever, whoever we were, we would win that thing we had to do the next day.”
That thing was the Superbowl. That team was the Baltimore Ravens.
Former head coach and Cowboy Hat enthusiast Brian Billick commented on Dilfer’s scrotal makeover.
“When Trent walked into the locker room, there was something Different about him. I remember not being so angry he was my QB. And of course his balls looked amazing, really smooth stuff goin on. I thought ‘geez, ya know, we just might have a chance to win this one today.'”
And win they did. Or didn’t. No one really remembers or cares.