The number 1 seeded Pittsburgh Penguins have begun growing out the oft referenced “lucky playoff bush,” per NHL tradition. Not even a trim. “It serves as a constantly itchy reminder just why we’re here,” forward Evegeni Malkin said Thursday. “Every morning I wake up and look down and feel like I’m looking at my dad’s penis,” late season addition Jerome Iginla said, while shifting in his pants.
The Penguins finished the regular season with the best record in hockey, winning seven of their last eight games with two to go. “It wasn’t much of a stretch for me because I’ve never touched down there — like, ever,” said NHl bad boy Matt Cooke as he stood at his locker, naked, playfully teasing the massive mound of hair that vaguely resembles Gabe Kaplan in “Welcome Back Kotter.” “I’m a beautiful boy no matter what, ” he added.
Let’s just hope they can carry that kind of confidence into the first round, where they’ll face the under achieving New York Rangers.