Gold medalist/black teen Gabby Douglas teamed up with fast food chain/diabetes lobbist McDonald’s for a viral marketing ad for the new Egg White Delight McMuffin. Disguised as “just any old urban black teenage slowly killing themselves by eating at McDonald’s,” Douglas flips out in Time Square, quite literally, after experiencing the bold flavors of the new breakfast sandwich.
Though Time Square flip outs are typically reserved for the homeless and/or muslim extremists — groups who also eat almost exclusively at the restaurant — Douglas’ shows how even Olympic heros in peak condition can forgo any conception of “physical well-being” and eat non-perishable sandwiches/put their hands all over the ground in New York. Through a series of ungloved, partially nude somersaults and floor exercises, she dazzles the crowd with her amazing disregard for the biological hazard that is McDonald’s food/the germ ridden Time Square sidewalk.
This is being hailed as “viral marketing” at it’s best/most ironic — considering she probably contracted scurvy and HPV from the flithy gutter.
“It was amazing, how she just didn’t keal over and die right there on the spot,” one spectator said. “I’d never eat that fucking thing let alone take my clothes of and touch the fucking ground here, you know how many heroin addicts piss on that?” remarked a homeless veteran with one leg. “I can’t believe the secret service allowed this!” another onlooker said, clearly mistaking the 18 year old gymnast for one of the President’s daughters.
The new Egg White Delight is available at all participating McDonald’s locations hell-bent on the destruction of kidneys of African Americans everywhere.