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Star Amateur Biotic Reportedly Considering Turning Pro


After a breakout year squirming around the udder of Wisconson dairy cattle, biotic Lactobacillus Delbrueckii is reportedly thinking about becoming Pro. “I’m just considering all my options at this point,” Delbrueckii said in front of reporters Wednesday. “Whatever I choose to do, I love this udder, I love this cow, I love the state of Wisconson — that will never change,” he added as he opened the door to a mint green Hummer H1.

“I have a family to consider, ya know, and I don’t want to risk further injuring my endoplasmic reticulum without ever getting paid once.”

Delbrueckii has made it clear he will not go anywhere with fruit on the bottom.

Delbrueckii has made it clear he will not go anywhere with fruit on the bottom.

The 7 nanometer, 3 picogram eukaryote came under a wave of controversy last summer when he appeared in a GoGurt ad — which sparked outrage among anti-biotics around the country. “This is why they should all be killed,” anti-biotic association president Penecillin said in a press release.

Should he decide to make the jump, analysts agree Lactobacillus Delbrueckii will undoubtedly be a lottery pick. “It’d be hard to ignore such a talent, but the kid’s gotta make the decision before I can really comment,” a spokesperson for Dannon remarked.

Other possible homes include Yoplait, Stonyfield Farms, or Activia, who have the number 1 pick after finishing last for the 3rd consecutive season. It remains an outside possiblity that Delbrueckii forgoes the draft and opts to play overseas for Chobani Greek or Oikos.


About Jake O'Donnell

Creator of the sports comedy Dick Buttkiss blog https://jakeodonnel.wordpress.com/


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